last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize