Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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