I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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