it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
