The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
