My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
