it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
