Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
