I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
