What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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