where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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