idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
