How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
