I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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