I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Watching her eat just hurts me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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