i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
