Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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