Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My ass is underappreciated
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
