How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
