he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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