he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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