If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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