you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So much Jack, so little girl.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
