While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
