Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
