It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
