recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
