I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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