we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
