yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
