Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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