By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
