My sheets look like a crime scene.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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