what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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