Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
