How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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