Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
