think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
