taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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