I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
