I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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