K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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