It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
