You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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