And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
