R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
