I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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