I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
