On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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