i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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