god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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