You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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