So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
