let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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