Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
