You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize