I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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