when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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