She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
