He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
